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xDaNcIn_ChIcKiEx
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Name: * M a r i s a . x33
Gender: Female
Interests: * being with my friends . dancing . movies . mall . cell phone . music . texting . the computer . church . guys . laughing . inside jokes . youth group drama . the jimmies . starbucks . helping people out . singing . pictures . jamba juice . vacations . hugs . chinese food . thunderstorms . deep conversations . the beach . my pink ipod . italian food . seeing my family . shopping . my digital camera . staying up late to talk with people . hair . taking walks . chocolate. christmas . lipgloss . skirts . sunsets . north carolina . eyeliner . stars . performing democracy . purses . spring & summer . getting hyper . tank tops . jewlery . writing . hoodies . new york . being on stage . cow tipping on hills . diamonds . canoodling . clothes . being random . clouds . ice cream . magazines . going to shows . flowers . hot chocolate . the muffin joke . candy . the ocean . shorts . quotes . smiling . x O
^ Hahaha, old but it cracks me up :)
Expertise: .............................................................. Rest In Peace, Nick Cervasio . 6.1.88 - 5.6.05 _ You are loved & missed.
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Industry: Entertainment
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  diamondxdancer17
AIM:  dancer56785678
Member Since:
2/6/2004
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| Wow, it's been forever since i've written in this thing, but I can't sleep and MySpace and Facebook get old real fast, so why not? So a few of my ribs popped out of place & it pulled a muscle in my back - waaayy too much pain for my liking. But I don't know, sitting out of ballet on Tuesday and watching class kind of made me realize something. I love ballet, right? It's been a huge part of my life for over a decade. But when you spend hours and hours everyday for six days a week critiquing & perfecting something, it's almost inevitable that it will become monotonous. Sometimes pirouettes and grand jetes are as routine for me as walking down the hall to a classroom is for most teenagers. But getting the chance to see everyone working reminded me how beautiful ballet really is. And it's not just about the fluid movements or dramatic expression. It's about the raw passion dancers have. Sometimes we may become numb to it, but underneath everything it is perhaps the aspect of our lives that we care about most deeply. Everyone has sacrificed so much from such young ages and we spend the majority of our days at the studio in hopes that we will eventually turn professional. We judge ourselves, endure pain & fatigue, and listen to the criticism of others. It's not an easy life by any means, but there is obviously a reason we do it: love. And I realized how mind-blowing it is that I have the ability to create such beauty. Sure, I want higher extension and a more artistic upper body, but I have been blessed with this talent and I wish I took the time to appreciate it more often. Forgive me if this doesn't make much sense because it's 1:30 in the morning, but I wanted to put my passion in some form of words in case I become numb to it again until the next time I'm injured.
"To dance is to be out of yourself. Larger, more beautiful, more powerful."
- Agnes De Mille
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| Hmmm, I don't really know how to start this off. I've had this xanga since the middle of ninth grade. In the time between my first entry and the one I'm writing now, so much has changed. I have switched schools, moved houses, traveled to new places, met incredible people, lost friends, learned a lot about myself, and grown as a person. I am now a senior in high school (hard to believe!) and I'm about to start a new chapter in my life. To be honest though, I am SO scared. There are seemingly countless directions to take and I find myself becoming overwhelmed with options. Go to college? Join a ballet company? Take a year off to train? Do ballet with online college? How can someone as indecisive as I am possibly decide what the course of my life will be for the next few years by spring? Last year I felt like I was having a real change of heart & that I would just want to give up dancing all together. This year is really different though. Sure, I have days where I just don't feel like dancing, but all in all I've really been enjoying myself. I have put almost all of my time, energy, and heart into ballet for most of my life and to turn a 180 & totally give up now would be like losing a huge part of myself. I mean, what is a person without their passion? Lost, hopeless, empty - exactly the opposite of what I want. If I find a company to train or perform with, I can always go to college later, maybe even at the same time. If I stop and try to go back though, I will lose everything I've learned and the youthfulness that's always so desired by companies. I don't think I could ever forgive myself if I let my dream slip away.
The other thought that I absolutely hate is knowing that more likely than not, I will have to move away from everyone. I mean, I'm confident enough in my relationships with the ones I'm close with to know that we will still talk and see each other when I visit, but things won't be the same. No more weekends full of rediculous Irene & Marisa antics that make us laugh until we cry. No more anticipating the third Saturday of every month when I get to spend time with the group I care about most. No more family dinners. No more Starbuck's runs with my Rock School favorites. I know change is inevitable, but that doesn't make it any easier. I was thinking the other night about how it would be to say goodbye to everyone, especially Irene, and it literally brought me to tears. What do you do when you can only see the other half of you on holidays and vacations? Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'll end up finding a spot in Pennsylvania Ballet's second company. Maybe I'll decide University of the Arts is my dream school. But maybe I'll end up hours from home without my support system.
Hopefully everything will be easier to figure out once I know specifically what my options are. I can see what schools and companies I have to choose from, and by then I'll have probably visited some of the locations to find out where I'm comfortable. Even still, the decisions I'm going to have to make will be tough. I'm excited for and dreading my future at the same time. I guess there's more excitement, but I'm not going to like the change that comes with it. Good luck to everyone else who's facing these decisions as well. I hope you all find what will make you happiest.
<3 | | |
| i carry your heart with me
- e.e. cummings
i carry your heart with me
(i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it
(anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear no fate
(for you are my fate, my sweet)
i want no world
(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart
(i carry it in my heart)
one of the prettiest poems i've ever heard. soo sooo beautiful. i love it. <3
summer is going well. north carolina with irene was amazing, as usual. she's wonderful. i don't think i could dream up a better friend than her if i had the rest of time to think about it. i love her. and rock in the summer is actually really fun. i don't think i've woken up a single morning yet dreading having to dance that day. that's soo nice. hmm, i went on a boat with kyle, amanda, jackie, and doug last wednesday. that was amazingly fun. i love those kids like crazy. especially kyle and amanda. it feels like we keep getting closer and closer and i love knowing i have them. i was thinking about putting a poem i wrote on here and even though only like two people read it, i don't know if i want to. maybe some other time. i'm reading ''the five people you meet in heaven" and it is sooo good. it's an easy read but at the same time it's like i'm learning so much about life. nice, huh? hmm, well i guess that's it. ooh actually, i'm going to japan on july 29. i'm excited but nervous. i know it's gonna be a great experience & nothing will compare. i hope everyone is having an amazing summer & that you're all happy. :)
much love. <3 | | |
| I'm really sad. There are soo many people in the world that I want to help. There are people who are starving, living in warring countries, or even just sad. Maybe they just need a hug or someone to listen. But I can't reach everyone.. sometimes I feel like i can't reach anyone. I can't give anyone a hug, or listen, or help. I want to make a difference. I want to mean something to someone. I want to leave a mark. What if I never get the chance to touch someone's life? I'm soo scared.
Also, I don't think I'm ever going to be a maid of honor. That sounds really dumb now that I write it down, but I was thinking about it earlier and I got kind of upset. I don't know. Fuck emotions. I'm tired & upset. Ughh, but why?
Love,
Marisa
<3
Oh yeah, and sometimes I think the age of nineteen sounds younger than eighteen.
edit:// 9:14 AM. I make myself pee. I don't know why I was soo upset last night. I'm feeling good today. But everytime I look at the "oh yeah" i crack up. I'm pretty sure I laughed when I wrote last night too, haha. But the first paragraph I wrote still stands true. Have a splendid day loves. | | |
| Two entries in one week? I'm shocked!
Soo a little earlier, for some unknown reason, I was thinking about what it would be like if we all thought out loud. Like, if we couldn't keep our thoughts inside of our heads - we just always spoke them. Of course, my initial reaction would be that everyone would hate each other because of all the mean comments we'd be blurting out. "His shirt is ugly." "She's such a bitch!" "What are they doing?" But then I thought about it a little deeper. There have been so many times that I've thought very highly of someone or something or a situation, but never expressed it. Imagine how many times someone's thought about how much they love you & how they're having the time of their life with you, but they never formed the words to let you know. The girls would hear they were beautiful and the guys would hear that they make someone feel safe. Nobody would ever have to worry about whether or not someone knew their true feelings. People could live without regret for never telling a certain person they cared. I'm glad we have the privacy of our thoughts but maybe, just maybe, we should learn to think out loud a little more often.
<3
ps. I was walking down Broad Street this afternoon & some random guy yelled at me "Smile, it's alright." Words of wisdom. :) | | |
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